'Why couldn't they have let me stay dead?' Squall wonders as he is resurrected for the sixth time in the fight against Ultimecia, his body so tired, he can barely lift his gunblade, wounds healed to fast pulling tight as he forces himself to pull his gunblade up to attack her again. Swinging it over and over each slice that is instantly healed making him feel more and more despair towards ever killing her.

Infused with the power of his limit break, Squall attacks Ultimecia relentlessly, hitting her harder and harder until he hits his ultimate move, Lionheart. Sending her flying into the air, he lands to watch her fall, hoping against hope this will be the end. As she falls, something seems different. Squall can hear the murmur her talking ...

He looks round to Irvine and Selphie, the only other two remaining after the fight. The others ... blown away to time by Ultimecia. They both have dropped into a defensive stance rather than their normal attack stance. All three look confused for a moment before they are blown away into time, each trying desperately to hold onto the memory that will pull them back to the correct time.

Squall finds himself pulled back to the orphanage, when he was a boy of 8, running round looking for everyone. He follows himself, until he comes to Edea, before she became a witch.

"Who are you?" She asks him.

'She can see me? Strange...'

"My name is Squall, I'm a SeeD warrior..." he says breaking off, realising that SeeD don't exist yet.
"Squall? But Squall is a boy of 8; you do not belong in this time frame do you?"
"No I don't, you're right."
"Then you best return to those that love you Squall, good luck."

Thrown again into the confusion of time he finds himself sat on a large landmass, cracked mud as far as he can see. He pushes himself up and starts walking in the vein hope he will come across something to pull him back. He walks and walks... until he finds himself staggering from exhaustion up the edge of a cliff. Looking round he follows the cliff, turning on the spot to notice that it goes right around him, and the huge land mass has turned into an island, floating in a space of swirling greys, nothing like he has ever known. He staggers to take a few more steps, but falls to a sitting position.

'I'm lost, lost to time amn't I? My memory wasn't' strong enough, or the other memory wasn't strong enough ... one way or other, I've become lost to time. Is this how I'll die?'

Looking up he sees a white feather fall from the sky which he catches in his leather glove. His vision blurring slightly as he looks at it in the palm of his hand.

'A white feather, Rinoa? Why her? Why not Irvine ... surely it would be him that would remember me the most? It's the memory of him I tried to hold onto after the one of Rinoa didn't get my back the first time.'

In the distance he sees a blurred image of someone in a blue cardigan walking determinedly towards him.

'Why isn't it Irvine?' He thinks as he passes out from exhaustion.

*~*~*~*~

Irvine sits next to Squall's bed in the Infirmary. He has not moved since Rinoa brought Squall back, feeling somehow guilty about Squall getting lost in time for so long. Squall looks pale, paler than normal, his breathing shallow. Even though Irvine has been reassured by Dr. Kadowaki that Squall will be ok, he still feels uneasy about it. Getting up he walks to the window and looks out it, staring to the horizon while he thinks.

'This doesn't feel like the cold, hard ground that I was sat on, it's soft and warm...' Squall thinks as he starts to come round. 'Did Rinoa manage to bring me back? Is she in the room now? I don't really want to see her ... I'd rather see Irvine ...'

Squall peals open an eyelid slightly, dazzled by the bright light flooding the room from the window. A shadow cast slightly on the bed shows him someone is in the room, though he cannot tell whom it is. Craning his neck slightly he looks upwards, the purple vest giving away to him who is in the room with him.

"Ir-vine," he manages to croak out.

Squall feels the bed to the left of him sink as Irvine steps back from the window and sits down next to him. Smoothing Squall's hair out of his eyes, Irvine says,

"I'm here Squall."
"What happened?" Squall says, his threat still dry.

Irvine picks up a glass of water from the table and holds it out to Squall, waiting until Squall has pulled himself into a sitting position before giving it to him.

"You got lost Squall, but you're back with us now."
"Did Rinoa -"
"Yes, she brought you back"
"Why are you here and not her then?"
"I asked her to leave my and you alone for at least until you had woken up."
"Why?"
"Because I feel I owe you an apology," he says, and as Squall opens his mouth to reply he says "no don't say anything yet, just let me explain please. I feel responsible for you getting lost. I have no idea what it was like to be lost in time, but I image it was not good. I know you don't have a strong attachment to Rinoa, yes," Irvine says as he notices the look of shock on Squall's face, "I know you too well for you to hide it Squall. I presume I am almost the closest thing you have to a friend, and I fell I let you down as I didn't manage to help you get back ..." he trails off.

At a loss for words, Squall can only look at Irvine in disbelief.

'How can he know? How can he know me so well when we didn't know each other for years? We went to different Gardens, had different influences, and he still knows me as if we were never separated. Yet I feel I know nothing about him. I don't understand what he is feeling; I feel I don't know anything about him.'

"I get it Squall, you don't want me here either. I should have known you'd want to be on your own. Get well soon Squall," Irvine says as he leaves the room.

'I should have said something,' Squall thinks as he watches Irvine leave, 'I wanted him to stay, but I never know how to talk to people ...'

Squall sits alone in the infirmary room, staring at the door Irvine left through, and thinking.

*~*~*~*~

'Another day, another public appearance I have to make,' Squall thinks as he sits on his bed.

During the days after the fight with Ultimecia, Squall has to attend many meetings and social functions, though he always finds some reason to leave early, not being able to stand being around people that treat him like some sort of hero.

He stares at the person looking back at him in the mirror, though no recognition registers in his eyes. Straightening up his hair best as he can, he walks out his room, towards the party.

'I hate these things, pretending I'm some sort of hero, when really I'm just an orphan that got lucky to be chosen to fight for the safety of his Garden. I never chose to be the leader of the group; I was thrust into it, and then thrust into the role of leading Balamb. Really I was making it up as I went along. Everything I told people to do was a guess on my part. I risked their lives so often, each decision was a gamble, yet everyone seems to think that I knew each time exactly what I was doing.'

Entering the party, he picks up a glass of Champaign as a waitress walks past him, and tries to slink off to a corner to brood. Unfortunately for him, he is spotted by headmaster Cid and Martine, and pulled over into their conversation.

"Here he is, the Hero of this all," Cid says beaming at Squall's approach.
"I think others contributed too Cid," Martine says, in a cold voice.
"Well of course they did," Cid says, not put off at all. "But he was the one that commanded Balamb during the war of the Gardens, and he led the group of SeeD that defeated Ultimecia."
"Indeed, though I'm sure he does not want to take all the credit, right Squall?" Martine turns to Squall as he speaks.
"No. Others did more than I. The mere fact I dealt the killing blow to Ultimecia does not mean I can take all the praise. We all did our best in the fight."
"Spoken like a true leader, not letting others go unnoticed," Cid says beaming as he claps Squall on the back, making Squall cough involuntarily once.
"Now, if you'll both excuse me," Squall says as we takes his leave, loosing himself into the crowd before retiring to a darkened archway.

Dumping his now empty Champaign flute on a ledge and catching up another glass of Champaign as a waitress walks past; he surveys the room from his hiding place.

He sees Selphie and Irvine talking to some important looking people in suits, Zell posing for a camera, performing flips and moves to impressed looking cadets. Quistis is talking to people he doesn't recognise. The only other that was in the final fight, Rinoa, has gone back to Deling, at he father's insistence.

'Why do they need to hold so many of these pointless parties? And why must I attend every one of them. They know I hate these functions, I always leave early, yet they still insist I come to them. In fact, as everyone is busy, I'll leave now.'

Pretending he doesn't hear someone call out to him, Squall walks briskly to the door and out into the darkened Garden. Instead of walking back to his room though, he walks out to the Quad, which is still in a state of disrepair. Work has started on it; the scaffolding round the stage is testimony to that. Walking down towards the edge, he finds a piece of wall and sits down on it.

'I hate this, I hate the monotony of each day. How many has it been now? Five? Six? I can't even remember, they've all blurred so effectively together. I want to end it, I've had enough. He never visits me, yet I don't blame him, I'm hardly the best company in Garden. But still, why does he never come see me? Have I got it wrong? Is he interested in Selphie? Are the rumours about his only interests being girls and guns true? Do I stand no chance? So many questions, and none of them I can answer. Do I go and ask him, here, now, while I feel I can, or do I wait until he comes to me? And why do I feel able to do it now? Is it the Champaign I've consumed tonight? I never really been able to talk to anyone, yet now I feel I could at least try.'

A scuffling noise followed by a female voice cursing softly startles Squall. Shortly after he hears,

"Squall? Squall you out here?"

Sighing deeply, Squall replies,

"Yes, I am Selphie."

Some more scuffling can be heard as she tries to clamber over debris scattered across the Quad in the dark. Eventually she makes it over to where Squall is sitting, and kneels on the wall next to him. Making herself more comfortable, she sits next to him as he continues to brood.

"Squall?"
"What?"
"Squall ... we're all noticed that you've been more well, broody than usual. Ever since we got back from Ultimecia we've hardly seen you. You seem to hide in your room all day, and only appear at night for the parties we're invited to. What's wrong?" Selphie all but blurts out.

Squall sits in silence, contemplating her question and comments.

'Do I tell her everything? It won't make much difference in the end. I don't really plan to be here much longer anyway. Moving on was always part of my plan.'

Selphie moves from the wall and kneels down in front of Squall on the floor.

"Squall, come on, talk to me. I'm here on behalf of all of the orphanage gang, let us help you."

Squall sighs before starting to talk. "I don't know what to say. I don't know how to tell him how I feel. I don't even know if he'd listen to me. I'm scared if I say something he will run from me; pull further away than he already is, and that I couldn't bear. I don't want to loose him, but I don't want him to stay the distance he is from me. I want him closer; I want him to be a permanent feature of my life. I feel that if he isn't, I will loose him; he'll get moved somewhere else, and I'll never see him again. Yet if I tell him, it could happen anyway, it could scare him, make him put in for a transfer and I would loose him anyway. So either way, if I speak or not, I suffer the chance to loose him. It seems I have a thirty percent chance to keep him, and those odds are not high enough for me to risk it. So I will continue to suffer alone, hope that he will not leave, and be content in seeing him happy, indeed in seeing him at all."

Shocked by the fact that Squall has opened up to her, Selphie sits in silence unsure what to say to Squall after his confession. As the sky darkens further Squall gets up from his seat on the wall and walking past Selphie sat on the floor he says,

"Now you see the reason I don't open up to people. They are always too shocked by what I have to say."

Recovering the power of speech as he walks away from her Selphie shouts after him, "Squall, wait. Squall, come back." But her shouts fall on deaf ears.

*~*~*~*~

'I'll go to the training area, slaughtering some Grats should help me think, and give me something to do other than feel sorry for myself. I'll grab Lionheart, go to the training area, it should be pretty quiet right now, its late after all, all the junior class men are in their rooms, and it's after curfew at any rate. In fact, if it is not empty, I can send people out; there must be some perks to being the commander after all.'

Squall strides through the Garden, heading from his room to the training centre, oblivious to everything around him, lost too deeply in his thoughts ...

*~*~*~*~

Selphie runs after Squall, stumbling in her slightly drunken state, trying to work out where he is going. Hiding from him as he strides out of the guys' dorms, she watches him walk back to the fountain and round into the training area.

'He isn't in a fit state of mind to be in there. I'm of no fit state to help him, nor would he want me there. There is only one he would want there ...'

Selphie runs down the corridor leading to the guys' dorms, hunting out a certain one, the one bearing the name 'Irvine Kinneas'.

Upon finding his dorm, she hammers on the door, waiting for him to answer.

"What do you want junior- Hyne Selphie," Irvine exclaims as he answers the door, registering who is there and fully doing up his pants and frantically pulling on a t-shirt to cover himself. "Selphie" he hisses, "What are you doing here?"
"He needs you, in the training centre, Irvine, go and help him."
"Selphie, calm down and talk in full sentences." Irvine says, rubbing the sleep out his eyes.
"Its Squall, he's in the training centre, and he needs help. He's in no fit state of mind to concentrate on what could jump him in there."
"He wouldn't want me there Selphie, he made that clear when he was brought back from being lost in time."
"Irvine you idiot, you know he's not good with words, trust me, he wants you there, now go get ready," she insists as she pushes him into his room, chivvying him to get ready.

*~*~*~*~

Slicing through Grats as if there were not there, Squall thinks on, oblivious to his surroundings, slicing through Grat after Grat, until they suddenly thin. Thinking they are only gathering strength for another attack, Squall buries Lionheart in the ground and leans on it, as he stares into space.

'What do I do? Do I go talk to Irvine? Not now of course, he will be asleep, as indeed I should be, though I could not sleep right now, my mind is too active. But in the morning, ignore my trivial duties, which are not really necessary for the Garden to function, and go see him? Track him down, wherever he maybe, whether it be teaching or doing paper work, and tell him how I feel? Either I will loose faith, and decide to leave Garden, or I will get what I want, have him in my life, and for the first time in a long time, feel happiness ...'

Lost so deep in thought, Squall does not hear the T-rexaur come up behind him and sweeping its tail, it knocks Squall to the ground, cracking a few ribs as he lands.

'Hyne, where did that come from? Was I paying that little attention that it snuck up on me?'

Looking round for Lionheart, he sees his gunblade lying a fair few feet away from him. Preparing to push himself up and make a break for his weapon, he stops.

'Is there a point in trying? Would it not be better to end my existence here and now, saving me from having to face what could hurt me more?'

Lying there as he thinks, the T-rexaur bends over him and latches onto his side, biting down on him. Squall screams out in agony as the beast bits down on him, only vaguely hearing feint bangs as he passes out.

*~*~*~*~

"SQUALL NO!" Irvine shouts as he shoots the T-rexaur with Exeter. Watching as the beast drops the broken body of Squall. Continuing to shoot the T-rexaur, Irvine runs over to where Squall fell, standing just in front of the body of his fallen friend, he pulls on the power of his guardian.

~Excell, Shield, now~
~As you wish Sniper~

A white shield bubbles up around Irvine, encompassing Squall too, protecting and shielding them both from view.

"Squall ... Squall ... SQUALL" Irvine ends up shouting as he tries to shake Squall gently, worrying about the wound in Squall's side and worrying how it came about.

Trying to cast a Full Life spell, then a Life, failing at both, his concentration not enough, he tries Cure, then finally, Stop, stopping time round Squall until he can get him to the infirmary.

~Excell, link~
~Sniper, you know the risks that carry with this normally, let alone with someone-~
~Excell, do it~
~As you wish Sniper~

A bridge between Irvine's and Squall's mind is formed by Excell, enabling Irvine to keep a link to Squall's consciousness, giving him something to hold onto, to stop Squall from leaving his body behind. Through the link Irvine can see himself in Squall's mind.

'That's how Squall sees me? But I look... beautiful. I'm sure I do not look like that ... But what is the meaning of this, why would I look so different to Squall than I really look?'

Heaving Squall up, Irvine walks towards the Infirmary, hoping Dr. Kadowaki is still up. The white shield that Excell cast follows Irvine as he walks through the Training Centre, hiding him and Squall from view and protecting them from anything daring enough to attack the shield. It falls as soon as Irvine walks into the corridor leading out of the Training Centre, as Irvine strides faster towards the Infirmary, not trusting the power of his Stop spell.

"Dr. Kadowaki? Dr. Kadowaki." Irvine shouts as he enters the Infirmary. The over head lights come on and Dr. Kadowaki walks out of the office at the back, rubbing her eyes.

"What seems to be the-" she says as she looks up, stopping short when she sees Irvine staggering under the weight of Squall's injured body. "Bring him in here, quickly," she indicates the empty room. Irvine stumbles through and places Squall down on the bed. "Leave now."

"Leave him? I can't leave him." Irvine insists.
"Leave if you want me to try and save him."

Irvine leaves the room begrudgingly. Waiting outside, he firsts sits but unable to sit still, he gets up and starts pacing. Selphie walks into the Infirmary, followed by Quistis and Zell.

"What happened Irvy," Selphie manages to say.
"He was in the Training Centre, a T-rexaur ..." Irvine trails off.
"Squall was caught off guard by a T-rexaur?" Quistis asks disbelievingly.
"Yes," Irvine sighs.
"Oh Irvy" Selphie exclaims as she jumps on him, hugging him.

Pushing her off, Irvine goes back to pacing. Quistis and Zell sink into chairs, while Selphie takes a seat on the floor, leaning against the wall, hugging her knees.

"How was he when you found him?" Quistis asks, not meeting Irvine's eyes.
"Not good. The T-rexaur had him in its mouth when I shot it. I had to cast a Stop spell on him, unable to draw on the power to cast anything else."
"It had him in its ...?" Zell repeats. "No, it can't be, Squall would never ... would he?"
"He was distracted, he was ... distracted," Selphie all but whispers.
"Distracted?" Irvine asks. "Distracted how?"
"Oh Irvine, don't you know?"
"Know what?" Irvine looks confused.
"Irvine, he loves you." Selphie exclaims.
"He what?" Zell all but shouts.
"Oh Irvine, Zell are you both blind?" Quistis asks.

Irvine stops dead, half way through a step upon hearing Selphie's words.

"That would explain one thing." Irvine says softly.
"Sorry Irvine?" Quistis says.
"When I made Excell link with Squall, I saw myself, how he sees me, and I looked ... I looked beautiful." He says as softly as before.
"Irvine, you linked with Squall while he was contained by a Stop spell?" Quistis asks incredulously.
"Yes."
"Irvine, you know the dangers of Excell's abilities." Quistis protests.
"Quistis, ... drop it. I knew the risks when I did it, and I did it anyway."
"Why?" Zell asks.
"Because." Irvine answers.
"Irvine," Selphie says. "Do you ... do you care for him too?"
"Of course I care ... he's one of us."
"No Irvy. Do you care for him." Selphie asks again, changing the emphasis on her words.
"I ... I ..." Irvine stumbles. "Yes." He says simply, staring at the ground.

An uncomfortable silence sets in. Irvine is still stood mid stride, Zell, sat with him mouth open in disbelief, staring at Irvine. Quistis and Selphie, sitting in silence, staring at the floor. The silence goes on for what feels like hours to the people in the room, though really it is a mere few minutes. Dr. Kadowaki walks slowly out the room Squall is in, stopping just inside the waiting area.

"How is he?" Irvine quickly asks.
"Physically he is fine, the damage was not to severe and easily cured." Dr Kadowaki replies.
"Physically?" Quistis questions.
"Yes. Physically he is fine. Mentally, we are loosing him. There is nothing more I can medically do for him. I cannot explain it, but I have done all I can do."
"Is he ... Will he ... I mean ..."
"Yes, as things lie now, he will die Irvine." Dr. Kadowaki says quietly.
"Can I ... can I go see him?"
"Or course."

Irvine slowly walks out of the waiting area into Squall's room.

"Is there really nothing that can be done Dr.?" asks Selphie.
"I've tried, I'm at a loss for what to do."
"It's hit Irvine hard," Selphie mutters.
"It'll hit him harder if he can't save Squall," Quistis says quieter.

*~*~*~*~

Irvine all but tiptoes into the room where Squall is lain out. Walking up beside the bed, he can't help but pause near the head of the bed.

'This is similar to the when Squall was brought back from being lost in time, only that time, it wasn't me that saved him, when it should have been. This is a different time though, this time I have the chance to do it right, this time I will save him.'

Sitting on the side of the bed, taking up Squall's limp hand, Irvine starts to talk to Excell again.

~Excell, link me and Lionheart~
~Sniper-~
~No Excell. I don't want the warnings. Just link us~
~As you wish Sniper~

Irvine finds himself in Squall's mind, walking down a long dark tunnel. Fearing what it could actually be, Irvine breaks into a sprint, heading for what looks like a white light. As he approaches it he sees Squall, silhouetted by the white light. Still running Irvine shouts out to Squall,

"Squall, wait."

He sees Squall turn to face him, a confused look just visible on his face. He sees Squall start to say something before Irvine finds himself being pulled back to his body in the Infirmary.

~Excell~ Irvine fumes at his Guardian. ~Why did you break it~
~There was no more time Sniper, Lionheart is gone~
~NO~ Irvine shouts at his Guardian. ~He is not gone. He was there before you pulled me out~
~No Sniper~ Excell informs him emphatically. ~Lionheart is gone~

As Excell talks to Irvine, Siren disjunctions from Squall, floating out to the waiting room to find someone else to junction with, if only temporary.

~As you see, Songbird has left Squall~
~Shiva is still there. She wouldn't be still junctioned if Squall were gone, so relink us~
~No Sniper, watch~

As Irvine watches Shiva disjunctions reluctantly from Squall, taking up temporary residence with Irvine.

~See, the Ice Queen leaves also Sniper~
~Shiva, why are you here?~ Irvine asks of her in an annoyed fashion.
~My old allegiance is lost. I need a new place~
~What do you mean?~
~Lionheart is no more~

Looking down on Squall's still body, the full impact hits Irvine and he weeps openly for Squall. Selphie walks in the room, walks up behind Irvine and says to him softly,

"There is one thing we can try ..."

Irvine sniffs and listens to her.

"I discovered a new ability in my trance Limit. Its something called Reverse. It seems slightly temperamental as to what it reverses, but it might work. I can at least try it ..."

Irvine nods wiping his eyes and trying to pull himself together as Selphie casts Aura on herself to induce her trance Limit Break. He gets up and steps to the side of the room so as to not be in her way. She glows orange as the Limit Break charges up, and he watches as she cycles through spells, hunting for the right spell to cast. After several spells, she seems to come upon the right one, as she changes stance and a white light encompasses Squall's body.

~Anything Shiva?~
~Nothing Sniper~

"It's no use Selphie, he's gone, I'll just have to face it." Irvine says sadly, a stray tear rolling down his cheek.
"I'm sorry Irvine," she says as she leaves him alone with Squall.

"I'm sorry Irvine," she says as she leaves him alone with Squall.

Irvine sits back down with Squall, taking up Squall's hand in his, letting the tears roll freely down his face

~Owari~