Squall and Rinoa are curled up together on her bed, asleep in the sun. As the sun light reaches Squall’s face he begins to stir, his movements reflecting those of someone who is about to wake. He rolls away from Rinoa and stretched out fully before he opens his eyes. Rinoa buries her face into the bed, trying to keep the sun light from waking her. After opening his eyes Squall sits up and gets his bearings before he turns round so he can see the clock on the bed side table.

‘Hn. 8am. Not to early, yet not excessively late yet either. I wonder if Dr. Kadowaki is back in the Infirmary yet. I can’t remember what time she goes back on duty.’

Rinoa groans and tries to bury her face even deeper into the bed. Squall rolls back over and leans over Rinoa whispering into her ear,

“Face it Rin, your awake.”
“Not,” she replies, voice muffled by the bed clothes.
“Well how about now?” he asks as he kneels beside her and begins to tickle her. Her head flicks up as she gasps and begins to giggle. She quickly rolls away from him and says, “No fair, I was asleep.”
“No you weren’t Rinoa,” he says as he advances on her.
“I so was.”
“Well you’re certainly awake now,” he says as he reaches her.
“Don’t I know it,” she says her eyes twinkling.

He says nothing as he reaches forward, capturing her lips in a kiss. She curls her arms round his neck, pulling him in as close as she can get him. His hands move to her shoulders as he slips them under her cardigan and begins to roll his hands over her shoulders to remove it. Whilst doing this he is kissing down her neck to her collar bones which are just visible after he moves the cardigan.

“Mmmm, Squall, much as I’m loving this, shouldn’t we be seeing Irvine?”

He looks up at her, sees the lust in her eyes, but also recognises the validity of the point she is making.

“I guess, but I’ll finish this later,” he says with a twinkle in his eye.
“That a promise?” she asks mischievously as she pulls her cardigan back into it’s correct position.
“Oh yes,” he says as he kisses her one last time.

Squall helps Rinoa up from her bed and they leave her dorm, heading for the Infirmary, hands entwined.

“Did you test the spell Squall?” she asks as they near the Infirmary.
“Yeah, it seems to work, though it is hard to guarantee success as I couldn’t test it on someone with a bullet inside them, but I’m pretty sure it’ll work.”
“I hope so; I don’t fancy trying to manipulate some more spells.”

As they arrive at the Infirmary they are met by the chaos which has appears to have erupted within. They find Selphie in tears in Dr. Kadowaki’s arms and no sight of Irvine. Rinoa hurries over to Selphie’s side and says to her quietly,

“What’s happened? What’s wrong?” asks Rinoa.

Selphie looks up at the sound of Rinoa’s voice and collapses from Dr. Kadowaki’s arms to Rinoa’s, leaning on Rinoa for support.

“Selph, what’s up?”
“It’s Irvine …” she manages to say before more tears run down her face.
“What’s happened?” Rinoa gently pushes.
“I w-woke up th-this morning t-to f-find him o-on the w-window sill,” she gasps out, “S-so I walked over to him, a-and brushed his h-hair o-out of the way o-of his face, and he s-said to me ‘G-goodbye Selphie.’ Then w-wouldn’t speak t-to me again,” she says before she breaks down into more tears.

Squall and Rinoa exchange a look, before she nods at him. He walks over to the door of the room Irvine is in, leaving Rinoa to comfort Selphie, he knocks on the door before entering, but only out of formality as he doesn’t wait for a reply before he opens the door. On entering he sees Irvine huddled up in the window seat, forehead on his knees, hair draped so none of his face can be seen.

“Irvine, wh-” Squall begins.
“Leave me alone Squall.” Irvine cuts in, in a voice devoid of emotion.
“I’m not going until you talk to me,” Squall says as he sits on the bed.
“Fine,” Irvine replies.

They sit in their respective places in silence, Squall on the bed, looking down at his feet, Irvine in the same position on the window seat.

‘What could have happened over night to make him this close off?” I mean he is cols and distant, he almost seems, well like I used to be.’

“Irvine, don’t be how I was. Being cold to everyone will slowly kill you, I should know,” Squall says to Irvine quietly.

Irvine continues to sit in the window seat, seemingly ignoring his surroundings. Another ten minutes pass before Squall notices a slight whimper come from Irvine’s direction.

‘Did I hear that? Or am I now imagining things in the silence of this room?’

He looks up and over to Irvine, who is silhouetted by the rising sun. He notices a slight shake of Irvine’s shoulders as he squints at Irvine, and just catches another muffles whimper.

‘This time I’m sure I didn’t imagine it.’

Squall quietly gets up from the bed and almost noiselessly walks over to Irvine. He crouches down so that he is actually looking slightly up at him, and gently he gathers Irvine’s hair up and away from Irvine’s face with his right hand using his left to steady himself on the window sill. As he feels Squall touch his hair, Irvine quickly whips his head round so he is facing the window.

“I said l-leave me alone,” Irvine says in an equally cold voice, the slight stutter the only betrayal of his pain.
“Irvine, don’t shut me out, please. I’m not good at reading peoples pain, so please help me, talk to me. Don’t throw away the friendship we’ve had for so long over something I can’t comprehend,” Squall says in a low voice.
“I can’t,” Irvine mutters.
“Are you trying to tell me that our friendship means nothing to you, because to me friendship matters.”
“Not tryin’ to say that.”
“So what are you trying to say?”
“I’m meant to be like this.”
“Huh? What do you mean by that Irvine?”
“You may as well get it over with and send me back already.”
“Send you back … what do y-” but Squall stops mid sentence as the realisation hits him. ‘He thinks he’s going to have to go back to Galbadia. Hyne.’
“Irvine, I’m never going to send you back, you think that after finding you all again, I’ll let you go? I need you all here to … help me.” he says the last bit looking away from Irvine and at the floor. Irvine turns his head after Squall finishes talking, and he tucks his hair behind his ear so he can see Squall. His eyes are slightly red, but he isn’t crying. He reaches down and gently touches Squall shoulder as he says,

“Squall; do you know how much that means to me? Both the fact that you’re letting me stay and what you have just admitted to me? But eventually you will find that I have no use here, and will send me back to Galbadia, where I possibly have a use.”

Squall looks up to meet Irvine’s gaze. “You do have a use here. I need you, and I have more authority that Martine or Cid about SeeD members, so if I say I can’t possibly do without you, you won’t leave. And I don’t want to loose you again, after I lost you from the orphanage …” Squall trails off again as he realises for the second time what he has just told Irvine. Irvine says nothing but uncurls himself from the window seat and rises, all be it very stiffly, pulling Squall up with him. He stumbles slightly as he straightens from being curled up in the same position for hours but Squall carefully catches him, and Irvine pulls Squall into his embrace, which Squall awkwardly returns. Squall has managed to end up looking at the door to the room and at the window and through it he sees Selphie looking in. He nods slightly to her, before he closes his eyes and concentrates his efforts on the pained young man in his arms. He misses the slightly envious look that crosses both Rinoa’s and Selphie’s eyes.

Selphie quietly enters the room and coming up behind Irvine, she just hears Squall whisper to Irvine, “You aren’t leaving here, I won’t let it happen,” before she wraps her arms round Irvine, beginning to understand what has happened and what has passed between the two men.

‘I don’t want to leave this. If I do I may never get this close to Irvine again. This is closer than we were on the Serengetti plains, and I don’t want to leave it. If I do we may never be able to get this close again. And I don’t want to loose this closeness. But unfortunately this isn’t my time, I shouldn’t be here.’

Squall carefully steps away from Irvine, who stumbles slightly as he has been leaning on Squall. He looks at Squall, who just shakes his head slowly, then lifts it slightly to indicate Selphie, before he leaves Irvine and Selphie alone in the room. As he leaves the room his head falls forward and his bangs fall forward to mask his face, and his emotions which are displayed there. He leans against the door as it closes, head down.

‘It was so nice being held by Irvine … So nice to be held, and to hold. Is that what is meant when people say closeness…? Is that what it feels like? In Irvine’s arms I felt I had nothing to prove, yet sometimes with Rinoa it feels as if I have something to prove, to change and be better. But sometimes it can be perfect … so I don’t understand … don’t understand in the slightest …’

“Squall?” Rinoa says as she and Dr. Kadowaki leave the office.

Squall pushes off from the door and he waves his hand in an off hand way, an indication not to talk to him as he walks out of the Infirmary purposefully, head down. He walks straight to the elevator, head down; he ignores Zell’s shouts, leaving a confused Zell by the main directory. He rides up in the elevator left hand on the wall of the elevator, and right on his forehead. He is looking at the ground, his bangs falling forward. He travels straight up to the third floor, but instead of going into the headmaster’s office which is straight in front on him, he walks over to the right of the elevator and after pressing a panel on the wall, a hidden door opens and he walks into the dark room. The door swishes closed behind him, and he walks across the dark room straight to the shutters on the window, with practised ease. He flings open the shutters letting light stream into the slightly dusty room. He then sits in the chair on the right side of the room, leaning forward so his face is obscured still by his hair.

‘I don’t understand … I know I love Rinoa … I really do love her … but Irvine holding me, it’s confusing. I’m not gay, I’m sure I’m not. I love Rinoa, I like women, yet Irvine’s confused me. I don’t find the idea of two guys going at it that appealing, it just seems a little wrong to me. Yet I guess I could get used to the idea if I had to. It felt, well, almost right being in his arms, I felt safe. There is always one persons arms you feel safe in, for Rinoa I guess it’s mine, though I don’t know for sure, but for me … but that doesn’t necessarily mean that I love him does it? Ugh, Hyne, why are emotions so complicated? I don’t understand, do I love him, or do I love her more? Well I know I love her, and I think of Irvine as a brother, but is there more to it? Plus Garden are against same sex relationships. They split up couples like that, or try to anyway. But if it were me and Irvine … they couldn’t manage it. They can’t do with out me, and I can’t let him go, I can’t loose him again, but they’d find a way to make life, well, difficult for us. Yet in some ways Rin seems perfect for me …’

*~*~*~*~

“I’m sorry to interrupt Irvine, Selphie,” says Rinoa as she walks in, “but Irvine; do you know where Squall has gone? He stormed out of here a few minutes ago, but didn’t go to his dorm, or if he did, he isn’t answering his phone. And, well, we need him as he has your spells.” “I have a good idea where he maybe. You want me to go get him?” “Please,” replies Rinoa.

Irvine kisses Selphie on the forehead before he leaves the Infirmary. He stumbles slightly as he walks down the corridor from the Infirmary only to find himself being supported by someone strong. He looks upwards, and into the blue eyes of Zell.

“You ok man?”
“Yeah, thanks Zell.”
“Where you goin’?”
“I need to find Squall.”
“Should you be walking around? You don’t seem to stable.”
“A night in a window seat will do that to you.”
“You want a hand goin’ wherever it is you goin’?”
“Erm, please. Just you have to leave when I say ok?”
“Sure, yep, of course man. Where’re we headed?”
“Elevator please Zell.”

Zell supports Irvine by hocking Irvine’s right arm over his shoulder and letting the taller man lean on him. They walk slowly to the elevator as Irvine is still rather stiff after being on the window sill for so long.

“So where we headed?”
“I can’t say exactly where but it is on the third floor.”
“Third floor? The headmaster’s office?”
“I’m really sorry Zell, but if I tell you, Squall will kill me. it took me a long time to find out where he was going, and if people get to know about it he won’t trust me anymore. And I don’t think I can live without his trust. Sorry Zell.”
“No it’s ok I get it. Trust is important. Where do you want me to leave?”
“You can come up to the third level; just I can’t go anywhere until you go down again.”
“No probs. How are you with stairs? You want me to carry you?”
“I think I’m fine Zell, not that you could carry me!”
“Hey if Squall can I certainly can.”
“I think it’s ok Zell, just be ready in case please? I don’t really think I need more injuries.”
“Sure.”

Irvine and Zell negotiate the stairs one at a time, Zell taking most of Irvine’s weight to make the going easier for Irvine. Irvine stumbled once on the stairs but Zell quickly caught him, preventing him from falling and injuring himself further or triggering pain in his back. Once at the top they waited for the elevator to arrive and Zell asks Irvine,

“So why isn’t Squall in the Infirmary?”
“I’m not sure right now, but I have a good idea where he maybe.”
“I know earlier he ignored me as he walked through Garden.”
“Deep in thought I guess. I have a vague idea of what maybe going through his mind, but it really is very vague.”
“What do you think it is?”
“Emotional stuff I think. The stuff he always has problems with.”
“Oh right, is it easy to deal with him?” asks Zell as they walk into the elevator.
“Well I guess it is the same as dealing with anyone else.”
“But isn’t he really cold?”
“Not at all, with someone he trusts it is ok, he lets him go slightly.”
“Slightly?”
“Yeah, not much. But he does give me some insight.”

The elevator chime goes announcing they have arrived at the top floor. Zell helps Irvine out of the elevator then leaves him outside it.

“Thanks Zell, I’ll be ok from here.”
“No probs. I’m gonna go down to the Infirmary, I’ll see you down there.”
“Yep, bye Zell.”

Irvine watches as the elevator goes down with Zell in it before he heads for the right side of the elevator, and presses the button in the panel that opens the door. After it swishes open he walks into the room ready to deal with Squall.

*~*~*~*~