‘I’m so confused. I don’t really understand what I’m feeling. I care for Rinoa, yet I also care for Irvine. But do I care for Irvine more than just as a friend? And if I do which is right? Well I know which is right in the eyes of Garden, but is it right for me? That’s the bit I don’t know. I guess I should know. Before this there hasn’t been an issue, has there? I mean all of the time I’ve spent with him, on the Serengetti plains, in my dorm, I’ve held him, he’d held me, yet this has never arisen before now. Mind you I guess I have always felt safe, and I guess content, in his arms. I care for him, I know I do, the question is how much and how far am I willing to go to find out?’

Squall’s thoughts are interrupted as the door swooches open.

“I wondered when you’d arrive,” he says, not looking up from his position in the only chair in the room.

He gets no response other than a grunt followed closely by a thump and he flicks his head up, to keep his hair out of his eyes, to see Irvine on all fours on the floor. Squall pushes himself up from his chair and runs over to Irvine, kneeling next to him he says,

“What’s wrong Irvine?”
“Night on the window sill, means your arms and, well mostly the legs, don’t do as you wish them to. Kinda stiff, so don’t move properly, hence the falling.”
“You need so help then?”
“Some please.”

Squall stands up and after hooking his arms under Irvine’s he helps Irvine up and over to the chair, while he turns to lean on the well behind Irvine, as the chair faces into the room, head down.

“Remind me never to do that again,” says Irvine.
“What? Fall flat on your face, or sleep on the window sill.”

Irvine turns in the chair to look at Squall, but unable to see his features as his hair has fallen down to obscure his eyes. Squall’s arms are folded over his chest but Irvine notices the slight shake of Squall’s chest and assuming his friend is also laughing he burst into a short laugh before he says,

“Both.”

And then a few minutes later after he has his laughter under control,

“So seriously, why’d you come up here Squall?”
“No reason,” Squall replies a little too quickly.
“Squall, I know there is something wrong, you don’t come up here away from everyone, well except me, unless you want to do some serious thinking and monologing.”
“So maybe I wanted to think about something, what of it?”
“Let me help, talk to me.”
“I can’t, I don’t talk.”
“Yes you do Squall, and why can’t you?”
“I don’t want to confuse … no I mean influence … no I mean … I just can’t.”

Irvine gets up from the seat and walks over stiffly to Squall. Once he is stood in front of Squall he gently lifts Squall’s head so he is looking at Irvine, before he speaks gently to Squall,

“Squall, no matter what it is I’ll listen. I want to help, to hear your fears, thoughts, and problems; I want to hear anything you have to say. We’ve always been close, since the orphanage, don’t shut me out now. We all need help from time to time; I’m here to help you.”
“I’m not trying to shut you out; I’m just confused right now.”
“So let me help. Talk to me.”
“I … I don’t want to loose you, so I … can’t, won’t.”
“Squall I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
“Even if I say I’m confused about whom I love, Rinoa or … you,” he says quietly looking downwards, unable to meet Irvine’s eyes.

Irvine watches Squall as he becomes more and more uncomfortable with the silence, but he can’t think of anything to fill it with, due to the shock. Squall twists away from Irvine saying,

“Sorry, forget it; we should get back to the Infirmary. I’ll give Rinoa the spells before I leave.”
“No, Squall, wait.”

Squall ignores him as he continues for the door.

“For Hyne’s sake Squall. if you won’t listen to me I may as well go back to Galbadia. You say you need me yet you won’t talk to me, so I might as well be in Galbadia where it does not matter if you talk or not. Back to Galbadia where I had a different partner each night, female, male whom ever wants to help me keep the loneliness away for a night, I mean it’s only sex after all,” Irvine all but shouts at Squall.

At the mention of men Squall stops in his tracks, but doesn’t turn round.

“You’ve been with … men?” Squall asks quietly.
“What do you expect with my looks? And as I said it was only sex to help me feel less lonely after loosing you and everyone else.”
“What’s it … I mean how’s it … I mean …” Squall trails off.

Irvine carefully walks over to Squall and after wrapping his arms loosely round Squall’s waist and resting his head on Squall’s shoulder, he says in a low voice to Squall,

“You want to know how it differs with men?” he asks and after Squall nods he continues, “Well it’s easier with men, feels less complicated. And if you weren’t with Rinoa and me not with Selphie, well let’s just say you wouldn’t be single.”
“You … like … me?”
“Yes Squall, I like you. I’ve always liked you. Well since we were reunited at Galbadia anyway. But there is Rinoa and Selphie to consider.”

Squall turns round so he is facing Irvine, looking directly into his violet eyes. Irvine continues to hold Squall loosely round his waist.

“So what’s it like to … kiss a guy?”
“Well, it’s a lot like kissing a girl, except there is a lot more dominance, and a lot less submission. Erm, it’s hard to explain, you want to …?”

Squall doesn’t say anything, just watches Irvine as he tilts his head slightly, before he closes the gap between him and Squall. He gently kisses Squall, who stands frozen for a few moments, before Irvine’s gently coaxing makes him respond, kissing Irvine back, though somewhat hesitantly. Unsure of what to do with his hands, Squall rests them on Irvine’s upper arm, pulling him closer to himself. They continue the caress of lips for a few minutes before Irvine breaks the kiss, before it becomes too heated and deepened. He watches as Squall slowly opens his eyes and looks at Irvine again.

“Think of that as a kiss between friends, something of reassurance, but something that could have developed further if circumstances were different. A kiss between friends, nothing less.”

Irvine starts to break away from Squall, but Squall just grabs hold of Irvine’s arms again holding him in place.

“Wait … please,” he says quietly, looking with pleading eyes at Irvine.
“What is it Squall?” Irvine says as he strokes his fingers through Squall’s brown hair, encouraging him to speak more.
“Can you … can you please just … just hold me?”

Irvine says nothing as he pulls Squall to him, wrapping his arms round Squall’s shoulders. Squall in turn hooks his arms round Irvine’s arms so his hands are resting on Irvine’s shoulders. They stand in each others arms for five minutes just holding onto each other.

‘This feels right,’ Squall thinks as he shuts his eyes, leaning into Irvine, ‘but in some ways it feels wrong too as there is Rinoa and Selphie. I love her, and I’m sure Irvine loves Selphie, but now I’m sure I love Irvine. This has just seemed to confuse me further. It’s not your fault Irvine, I shouldn’t have said anything. But it feels great that you know now. Thank you so much Irvine.’

Squall squeezes Irvine slightly before he lets go and says,

“Well I guess we should get to the Infirmary.”
“Yeah, I guess. Would you mind if I erm, … well lean on you Squall? I’d prefer not to end up on my ass again, and I’m still slightly stiff. But if you’re uncomfortable with it I completely understand it.”
“Irvine, I’ve just been hugging you, you think I’m uncomfortable?” he asks as he gives Irvine a little smile before he slips under Irvine’s right arm.
“I guess, thanks Squall.”
“No, thank you Irvine. Thanks for listening, and well you know. Thanks.”

Irvine smiles as they leave the private room to get back to the Infirmary.

*~*~*~*~

They arrive back at the Infirmary after a few minor incidents. Squall leaves Irvine to return to Selphie and he beckons Rinoa to the office. After she enters he shuts the door after her and then says,

“I want you to take the last two spells.”
“Why Squall?”
“A more skilled magic user would probably be suited here.”
“But you and Irvine are so close, wouldn’t you prefer to be th-”
“No. I don’t think I could keep focus knowing I did that to him…”
“Ok Squall, I’ll take them.”

Rinoa places her hand on Squall’s cheek and Squall passes the spells over to her. The hand although not altogether necessary, but a comfort to them both. They leave the office in silence to find Dr. Kadowaki, Selphie and Zell waiting for them.

“Should we get this going then?” asks Selphie.
“I believe the people we need are here, Squall, would you come with me?” asks Dr. Kadowaki.
“I don’t have the spells, Rinoa does,” replies Squall.
“Ok, well Rinoa,” she says as she enters the room.
“Can I come too please?” asks Selphie, “or will I be in the way?”
“No, it’s fine now, you can come,” Dr. Kadowaki says.

Rinoa, Selphie and Dr. Kadowaki enter Irvine’s room, to find him sat on the bed, staring out the window.

“I guess this is the moment of reckoning,” Irvine says as they enter.
“Irvine, can you lie on your stomach please,” Dr. Kadowaki instructs.

Irvine gets onto the bed so he is on his stomach, arms folded under his head as a pillow. He is facing right, away from Dr. Kadowaki, looking at Rinoa and Selphie.

“Rinoa, can you project the spell onto this computer CPU?” asks Dr. Kadowaki.
“I guess I can try,” she replies.

Rinoa closes her eyes and blue tendrils of magic spark from both her hands, one lot aimed at Irvine, the other lot at the computer CPU that Dr. Kadowaki indicated. An image flickers on the screen, an obvious human shape, but not quite distinct. Selphie upon noticing this moves over to Rinoa and links her hand with Rinoa’s obviously boosting the magic power. The blue tendrils extend from Selphie’s fingers toward Irvine, and the image on the screen becomes clear, an area highlighted by the spell.

“Rinoa can you increase the size of the highlighted area, I mean zoom in on it.”

The image gets larger as the area highlighted becomes more localised.

“That’s enough thanks Rinoa. Are you ok like this for now? I’d like to remove the bullet now.”
“I’m ok,” Rinoa replies not opening her eyes.

*~*~*~*~

“Squall what’s up?” Zell asks after twenty minutes of silence.

Squall looks up in surprise, ‘Oh, I’d forgotten Zell wha here. Guess I was too deep in thought to realise. Thought about Irvine, and earlier and our shared kiss. And the thing is it doesn’t seem so wrong to me, though I guess really it should. I mean I’m technically cheating on Rinoa. And also I mean it’s two guys, it just, well doesn’t feel wrong to me.’

“Come on man, I mean I know I’m not Irvine; Hyne knows I don’t have his luck with women; but I can listen Squall, and possibly help.”
“No it’s fine Zell; this really isn’t something I can talk about.”
“Why not? It is because I’m me and not Irvine?”
“Kinda yeah. It is something that is between us, and I really can’t tell anyone about.”
“Right, yeah I get it,” Zell says as he gets up to leave.
“No, Zell, I didn’t mean you had to leave.”
“I get it, I can take a hint,” and with that he leaves the Infirmary.

‘Way to go Squall. Hurt Zell, definitely one of your better ideas. He was only trying to help, no need to shut him out, making him feel useless. I guess I should go after him, apologise, but then again it is between me and Irvine. If I tell anyone else it could get back to Rinoa and Selphie and split us all up, and no matter how much I may want Irvine, I also want Rinoa and Irvine wants Selphie. I can’t split everyone up, hurting everyone, just coz I want to try out something new. Something I may not or actually may enjoy. But on a whim I can do nothing … can I?’

Squall’s thoughts are interrupted as the opening of Irvine’s room prompts him to look up and observe first Selphie and then Rinoa stagger out and collapse in the chairs next to the door way. Squall rushes over to Rinoa, and after noticing her eyes are shut, he crouches down in front of her and says,

“Rin, are you ok?”
“Tired, magic stocks wiped out.” Selphie replies for Rinoa.
“You mean you’ve been casting the spell for the past,” he looks at the clock behind him before continuing, “the last forty minutes?”

Rinoa nods weakly unable to summon the energy to do anything further. Selphie and Rinoa are both on the verge of falling asleep in their chairs. Noticing this Squall closes his eyes and transfers a little of his magic reserves to Rinoa, just enough to bring her back awake for enough time to get her back to her dorm. Before he does the same for Selphie he says to Rinoa,

“Thank you so much for what you’ve done for Irvine.”

She smiles at him before he turns to Selphie and transfers a little magic to Selphie before Dr. Kadowaki comes into the waiting room. Squall stands up, but the girls remain seated.

“How is he Dr. Kadowaki?”
“He’ll be fine. I’ve removed the bullet, but he will be a little stiff for about a week as the inflammation goes down. But after that he’ll be fine and able to do anything he wants to do. Right now though, I need you to get Rinoa and Selphie back to their dorms. Where’s Zell gone?”
“He left, call him back over the intercom, I’ll take them both until I meet him.”

He walks back over to the girls and helping them both up he leaves the Infirmary slowly, supporting one girl on each side. Dr. Kadowaki’s voice can be heard over the intercom just before he leads the girls out the Infirmary. Zell meets Squall half way down the corridor to the Infirmary. Zell immediately takes Selphie from Squall before asking,

“What happened to them?”
“They’ve been casting a spell for over forty minutes; their magic stocks are pretty much wiped out. Hence the lethargy.”
“I guess we have to get them to their dorms, right?”
“Yes.” Zell and Squall set off supporting Selphie and Rinoa respectively. “Zell?”
“Yeh man?”
“About earlier, I’m sorry. It wasn’t meant to sound as it did.”
“Yeah I got that, I thought you wanted time on your own.”
“Thanks I did need to think.”
“You want to talk now Squall?”
“Not yet, I need to think a little longer, but if I do …?”
“Not a problem.”
“Thanks.”

They walk on in silence into the dorm area, the girls slowly falling asleep. Before they reach Selphie’s dorm, Zell asks,

“How long they gonna be out for?”
“I’d guess around twenty four hours, possibly longer.”
“How are we going to get them in their dorms?”
“Well I know Rinoa’s code, and as for Selphie’s well, I have an override code.”

They arrive at Selphie’s dorm and Squall types in his override code and Zell walks into her dorm, practically carrying Selphie.

“You want me to wait Zell?”
“No, you should get Rin back to her dorm, before she falls asleep completely.”

Squall hooks his arms under Rinoa’s legs and lifting her easily he continues on to her dorm. She snuggles down against his chest and her eyes slowly close. Her breathing relaxes, becoming slower and deeper as she falls asleep against Squall. as he arrives out side her dorm, Squall carefully juggles Rinoa so he can type in her access code, before he enters her dorm. After walking over to her bed he gently sits down on it, and disentangles her arms from round his neck. A frown crosses her face and a small whimper escapes her as she looses contact with Squall. He quickly deposits a pillow in her arms which pacifies her, yet a slight frown remains, proving she realises her arms aren’t round Squall anymore. He moves from the bed to a chair, and looking at her he thinks for a few minutes.

‘Thank you Rinoa, thank you for saving him, but now I need to talk to him, without Selphie or you there. I’ll be back before you wake I promise.’

*~*~*~*~