‘I wonder where Irvine is … I mean I checked his dorm earlier but he wasn’t there, but I guess he could be now. It’s not like he has to check in with me, but still I would like to know where he is. Nobody seems to have seen him in hours. I wonder what he’s been doing. I can’t check his dorm to see if Exeter is in there, that would at least tell me if he is in the training centre or not. I know he isn’t in the Cafeteria as I’ve just left there …’

Selphie is wandering round the centre of garden, looking for her love.

‘It seems as if he hasn’t been seen since lectures ended, and now that is …’ Selphie looks at the clock on the directory which is currently directly in front of her, ‘three hours ago. I guess he could want some alone time, but he could tell me that if he open the door, if he is even in his dorm. I think I’ll check his dorm again, just in case he has returned there. I doubt it, but I can hope. I want to see him, to be held tight by his arms…’ she wraps her arms around herself as if trying to simulate Irvine hugging her… ‘I want to feel him holding me, to feel his arms round me, holding me close to him, to hear his heart beating next to my ear, to nearly feel it beating against my cheek …’

‘Ooooh I love him so much. And I want to see him, Irvine, where are you?’

Selphie continues to wander in the general direction of the dorms, lost in thought, hoping to find Irvine in his dorm, ready to welcome her.

*~*~*~*~

In Squall’s dorm, Squall remains on the floor looking up at Irvine, eyes full of concern for Irvine, and also pain because he doesn’t know what is wrong with his best friend.

‘I don’t know what to say, what to do. I don’t know how to relate to people, what to do in situations like this, and what to say. Irvine is my best friend, my closest friends, he has been since we were children, yet I don’t know how to help him. Irvine, what could possibly be wrong, I mean you are normally so cheerful, so happy, what’s happened to change this, to remove that smile from your face?’

“Irvine …” Squall says in a low voice. ‘My voice sounds so weird, so lifeless, almost choked, but I have to try, for Irvine I have to try, I owe him that much …’ “Irvine … please … what’s happened? … You know I’m not good at talking, so please just tell me what is wrong, I can’t help you if I don’t know, and even then I may not be able to help, but I want to, no I need to know.”

‘That’s the best I can do. I don’t know how to voice my thoughts, but that sounds ok to me. I just hope he listens …’

*~*~*~*~

Selphie arrives at Irvine’s dorm and presses the door chime.

‘Come on Irvine, be in there, I want to see you so badly and it appears as if you have disappeared from Garden at the moment. I want to see you, want you to hold me in your warm embrace, to protect me from everything …’

There is no response from Irvine’s dorm and after a few minutes Selphie turns away from his dorm and heads for her own, hugging herself, and looking at the floor, her feet almost trailing behind her …

*~*~*~*~

Irvine doesn’t say anything, but another tear appears from his other eye, leaving a glistening trail down his face as it heads for the ground, travelling as fast as it can down Irvine’s face.

Squall, sensing that Irvine isn’t ready to talk yet, stands up taking Irvine’s hand in his own. Irvine looks up at Squall through slightly tear stained eyes, slightly bemused at this level of intimacy Squall is showing him. Squall gently pulls on Irvine’s hand, trying to coax him into a standing position, which Irvine does, but slowly, wearily.

‘Irvine, you seem to lack any energy, why? What’s going on, what’s happened, what have I not noticed?’

Squall gently leads Irvine into the segregated part of his dorm, where his bed is, depositing Irvine’s hat on his desk as they slowly walk past.

Upon arriving at his bed Squall puts his arms around Irvine, pulling him into a tight hug, and they sit down on Squall’s bed.

‘I don’t know what to say, I only hope this is enough. This is what Rinoa does when her friends are upset, I just hope it helps. Although this is a rather different experience for me; Rinoa is so much different to hug, smaller and softer. This is different. Irvine is taller than me, and he has more muscle than Rinoa. As I said different, but not altogether unwelcome …’

Irvine, surprised by Squall’s openness, hesitantly puts his arms round Squall’s waist returning the hug, and, letting himself go, he collapses into tears, head on Squall’s shoulder. Upon feeling his top grow wet, Squall hugs Irvine closer to himself, trying to eliminate any discomfort Irvine maybe feeling as he normally doesn’t act like this.

‘What in Hyne’s name can be effecting him so much that he is reduced to tears? What could have happened that has upset him this deeply? I want to know, but I can’t push him into telling me. If he wants someone to talk to then I’m here for him, if he doesn’t then I respect that wish.’

Irvine’s sobs wrack both his and Squall’s body. He is obviously trying to stop himself from crying, trying to calm down by swallowing his sobs, but this only succeeds in making his sobs becoming more powerful, and he makes himself cry harder.

Squall sits patiently with Irvine, hugging him, and gently rocking Irvine in an attempt to help him clam down. Squall also tentatively begins to rub Irvine’s back and hair, and upon feeling Irvine relax into the simple gesture, he rubs Irvine’s back more assertively.

‘Irvine… Irvine, what’s happened? Please tell me, I want to help you, the way you so kindly helped me. You did everything in your power to help me, now I want to repay the favour, I want to help you. But how can I if you won’t talk to me, tell me that is up? I think I may need some help on this front, I don’t know what to do, what to say, but I don’t want to betray Irvine’s trust …’

He begins to speak in a low voice to Irvine, so as not to alarm him, “Irvine … please, listen to me. You don’t need to move, just listen to what I have to say please. I … I really want to help you. But at the moment I don’t know how. Please tell me what’s happened. What’s made you so upset? You don’t need to tell me now; I’ll always make time for you, no matter how busy I may be. Just please … don’t keep me in the dark.”

‘Wow, it feels as if that brought on fresh anguish. It almost feels as if his sobs now are more powerful than before. I’m sorry Irvine, but I don’t know what else I can do. I never meant to upset you with what I just said. I don’t know what to do other than be here for him when he is ready to talk. I guess that is all I can do right now.’

Squall continues to hold Irvine for what feels like an age to him. Slowly Irvine’s sobs become weaker and weaker and Squall can feel Irvine’s breathing relax into a calmer state than it was in. His grip on Squall also slightly weakens, relaxes, making it feel less desperate.

“Irvine … Irvine, are you … ok now?” Squall asks quietly. He gets no response to this from Irvine, so he gently disentangles himself from Irvine’s grasp, which has been weakening more and more, and discovers that Irvine has fallen asleep from exhaustion.

‘Well I can’t move him now and in some ways I am glad I can’t. I want to keep an eye on him. I’m worried, something is deeply troubling him, and I want to know what it is.’

Squall gently removes Irvine’s boots then gently lifts Irvine’s legs, placing them on his bed so that Irvine is lying on it. Squall quickly grabs the spare blanket he has and throws it over Irvine. Squall grabs his pillows and pulls them slightly down to bed, lifting Irvine’s head carefully; he places the pillows under Irvine’s head. After this Squall carefully disentangles Irvine’s hair from the elastic band he has used to tie it back, and runs his fingers through Irvine’s silky hair, carefully removing any knots in it. Finally satisfied that he can’t make Irvine any more comfortable, he quietly pads out the room, turning out the light and closing the door, leaving Irvine to sleep.

Squall makes himself a meal as he hasn’t eaten since lunch and it is now 11pm. He is about to sit down and eat it when his door chime goes.

‘Hyne why did I ever chose to have that so loud? I guess it was so that if I were in the sleeping area with the door closed I would hear it. I just hope it hasn’t disturbed Irvine. I think he needs some sleep right now. I’ll just check he wasn’t disturbed by it.’

Squall quickly walks to the door of the sleeping area, and upon hearing no sounds of Irvine moving around he goes to his door and opens it.

Selphie is stood there, hands behind her back looking up at him, with slightly red rimmed eyes.

“Squall, have you seen Irvine at all today?”
“You’d probably be better off asking Quistis, Zell, or Rinoa about that, they are more likely to see him than me, being fellow instructors.” ‘I can’t have someone else crying on my shoulder, one is definitely enough for one day.’
“I have asked them and it would seem that no one has seen him since lectures today. It is almost as if he has disappeared. And I can’t access his door lock records to see if he returned there and is still there. Could you do that for me please Squall? I know you can.”
“I’m sorry Selphie but there have to be good reasons to do that, I can’t just go round checking any ones door logs. There have to be extenuating circumstances, and I don’t think it has got to that yet.”
“But Squall, he could be …”
“I think you’ll probably find that he is fine. I think he is somewhere that he feels comfortable, and safe.”
“Oh o … k.”
“Can you do something for me Selphie?”
“I guess …”
“Go see Rinoa, she is a good friend to you, and also can you tell her that I’m sorry I haven’t been about but I have a mountain of reports to get through and I’m not even halfway through them, thank you so much Selphie.” ‘I can’t hug her it would seem too out of character; I hope Rinoa doesn’t mind me sending Selphie to see her.’
“O … k. Rinoa normally has ice cream doesn’t she …?”
“Yeah Selphie, she does.”
“Sorry for disturbing you Squall.”

Squall doesn’t say anything only nods in response. ‘I’m sorry I can’t tell you the truth Selphie, but I don’t think Irvine would appreciate it, not yet, anyway.’

Squall lets his door slide shut after Selphie has left and sets about making the sofa into as comfortable bad as he can, he finishes his meal, and lies down on the sofa, thinking.

‘Please Hyne, let me help Irvine. I can’t bear to see him so upset, yet I can’t think what could be upsetting him so much. I mean he managed to cry for nearly two hours, and I’m worried about him and what could possibly be wrong …’

*~*~*~*~