Irvine’s eyes slowly open as he wakes up in Squall’s dorm.

‘Mmmm I feel so relaxed, so rested …’

He stretches out fully on Squall’s bed, pulling on all his muscles in a satisfyingly painful manner. He then sits up to take stock of his current surroundings.

‘This doesn’t look like my dorm …… Hang on, I don’t remember going to my dorm last night. I don’t remember going to sleep even. Let’s think about this rationally Kinneas. I was in Squall’s dorm … we were talking, just sitting … I was about to go … but Squall got to my hat before I could and …… Oh Hyne, I ended up sat on his bed … this bed in fact … crying on his shoulder. I don’t remember leaving his dorm … so I’m still in it. I … I must have fallen asleep after crying so much. And I guess Squall removed my boots and made me comfortable on his bed … He even let my hair down; I guess he remembers that I can’t stand sleeping with it tied back.’

‘Hang on if I’m in his bed, then where did Squall sleep?’

Irvine gets out of bed, but doesn’t put on his boots as he knows if he wears them he will wake Squall if he is asleep. Irvine walks to the door that he came make out in the dim light of the morning, and quietly opens it, peering into the darkened room ahead of him. Squall is lying on his back on the sofa, but Irvine can’t determine if he is awake or asleep. Therefore Irvine walks into the room, towards Squall, freezing when Squall suddenly shifts on the sofa, onto his side. Squall’s hair slowly falls down obscuring his face. After a few minutes Irvine continues his journey towards Squall.

‘I’m now pretty sure Squall is asleep, but I want to check … ‘I want to check’ how stupid does that sound Irvine. Sometimes I can want to so the most stupid things, but I want to be near him, to thank him for letting me be, well, how I was last night, even though he is asleep.’

He arrives next to the sofa and looks down at Squall. Sure he is asleep, Irvine crouches down next to the sofa, and carefully he brushes the hair that has fallen over Squall’s face out of the way.

‘Asleep, Squall looks so peaceful, as if he has no worries other than the normal ones that guys our age would have. Yet when awake he acts so much older, and somehow he looks older too. I admit we’ve seen worse stuff than most people see in a life time… but he is missing out on what will probably be the best years of his life.’

‘Thanks, Squall, for last night. I meant to leave before you saw me like that. To be alone as I always am when I get to this. But I didn’t quite manage it. Oh and I remember what you said to me. It was really kind of you to say that, and I really appreciate it, and may take you up on that offer, just not yet.’

Irvine carefully leans over Squall and whispers “Thank you” in his ear before retreating to the bedroom to retrieve his things and leave.

*~*~*~*~

Once Squall hears the door shut again he opens his eyes and stretches out his muscles which are rather cramped after spending a night on the sofa. He’d awoken when Irvine first touched his hair as he is a light sleeper, but to save any embarrassment, Irvine’s or his, he pretended to be asleep, waiting for Irvine to retreat.

After stretching out completely, he sits on the sofa deep in thought about the night before and the events that transpired.

‘Irvine just whispered into my ear ‘Thank you’ to me. Thank you for what? I didn’t do anything really; I just sat there with him. I didn’t know what to say, what to do, as usual. Didn’t know how to help. I want to talk to someone about it, yet I don’t want to betray Irvine’s trust again. I’ve done that once already and don’t want to do it again. Also I wouldn’t really know how to talk to someone about it. I couldn’t explain what I wanted to say so I’m going to have to work this through in my own way, and try to help him that way.’

At this point Irvine re-enters the room trying to walk quietly while holding his boots and his hat. In the half light he doesn’t notice Squall sat on the sofa.

“Morning Irvine.” At the sound of Squall’s voice Irvine drops his boots, which clatter noisily to the ground, and his hat. He spins round to face Squall, surprise written clearly across his face. Squall gets up and opens the curtains, bathing the room in bright sunshine, making them both blink for several minutes as their eyes get used to the brightness.

“How long you been awake? I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Not long, don’t worry about it Irvine.”
“Thanks for last night, I meant to leave before it got to … well you know.”
“Irvine, come sit down please,” says Squall as he moves the blanket out of the way that he was using. “Please Irvine?”

Irvine hesitates for a few minutes, and then moves over to sit next to Squall, leaving his boots where they fell. He sits down, eyes avoiding Squall’s which are looking directly at him.

“Irvine, are you … ready to talk about what’s upset you?”
“Squall, I want to make this clear to you before I start; I … I trust you more than anyone else I know. The time we have spent together after the problem you had with Rinoa has helped me understand you more. And I trust you, even after you … you …” Irvine can’t seem to admit Squall shot him, yet he unconsciously rubs his right shoulder where he was shot. Squall looks away and blushes at this.

‘I still feel really bad that I shot him, I never meant to, it was an accident …’

Irvine looks up to see Squall looking very uncomfortable and says, “Oh Hyne, I’m so sorry Squall, I didn’t mean to dredge it up again. I’ve forgiven you for it. I trust you more now than I did before you… you shot me. I’ve seen you at your most vulnerable now. And I’m glad you trust me enough to show it to me. Last night, if it had been anyone else, I would have snatched up my hat, jammed it low over my head, and left without a word, before I got to tears. I sort of intended to, but I trust you not to tell people and to care. And I no longer wanted to be alone. You may not know what to say, yet that doesn’t matter to me, I just didn’t want to be alone. I know I could have gone to see Selphie since you relaxed the rules about SeeD quarters, but I came to you instead. I would have felt awkward with Selphie, I trust her, but I almost trust you more. I felt comfortable here. you didn’t push me to talk, didn’t push me to be different. And for that I thank you Squall.”

Squall finally looks round to meet Irvine’s gaze, and upon seeing nothing but honesty in Irvine’s violet eyes, relaxes a little nest to Irvine.

“So are you ready to talk to me?” asks Squall almost tentatively.
“Not yet Squall, I’m sorry, but I can’t talk about it yet.”
“Irvine … it’s not the first time this has happened is it?”
“Well, it’s the first time I’ve ended up crying on your shoulder Squall.”
“No Irvine, you know what I mean.”
“No … it’s not the first time.”
“How long Irvine?”
“Every night.”
“Irvine, don’t avoid the question, I asked how long not how often.”

Irvine looks away, unable to meet Squall’s gaze. He whispers “a few months.”
“a … few … months…?” repeats Squall. ‘This has been going on for a few months and I haven’t noticed? How is that possible … and why didn’t he come and see me sooner? Am I really that wrapped up in work and with Rinoa that I didn’t notice …? And every night?’

“Irvine … why didn’t you come and see me sooner?” Squall asks in a low voice.
“I couldn’t … I couldn’t admit to myself that I was crying each night, let alone let someone else see this.”
“Every night?”
“… Nearly”
“Alone?”
“Except for last night, yes.”
“Irvine, from now on, come and see me, please. Don’t remain alone. I want to help, and it’s not an inconvenience.”
“Thank you Squall, that means a lot.”

They sit for a few minutes in silence, each thinking their own thoughts.

‘I’ve done all I can think of, and said all I can think of saying. I don’t know what else to do other than offer to help the only way I know how to. To just be there and let him get things off his chest.’

“Hey Squall. Shouldn’t we be elsewhere? I mean you doing … whatever it is you commandery types do all day and me teaching?”
“I rang Quistis earlier. She’s covering for me and someone will cover your classes, you want so breakfast?”
“Squall sometimes you are too thoughtful. Breakfast would be great, thank you.”

Squall doesn’t say anything, just busies himself with making breakfast in his kitchenette.

*~*~*~*~

‘I want to tell Squall what’s wrong, I really do, but I can’t, not yet. I should have come to him sooner, but I was afraid he’d reject me. Silly really when I knew he wouldn’t, knew he would help me. I really should have come to him sooner; I think I may have helped me if I had. I wish I could tell him what’s wrong, but right now I don’t feel ready. When I do he will be the first to know.’

‘So … now I’ve got the whole day to ahead of me in which to do what I please. I think that a trip to the Training Centre is in order. It is quite during the day as everyone is in classes. I haven’t really had a chance to train recently in quiet times, normally when I train I have a cadet running up to me every five minutes or so. It will be nice to have some quite training for once!’

At this point Squall walks over with a tray full of toast, croissants, pain au chocolat, and all manner of spreads and jams, placing the tray on the table. He then returns to the kitchenette to get the fruit juices and places that tray next to the breads.

“Help yourself,” he says as he sits down and prepares to take a plate to start eating with.

They eat their breakfasts in silence.

Once finished, Irvine helps Squall tidy everything away into the kitchenette. Irvine grabs his boots and hat and puts them on before leaving.

“Thanks for everything Squall. I’m off to the Training Centre for some serious Grat bashing. Cafeteria for lunch?”
“Sure thing, see you later.”

‘I’ve just got to stop off for Exeter, no point in changing my clothes; I’m going training after all. Well look out Grats, Irvine’s gonna come and play! Not that they are much of a challenge, but more a stress relief …”

*~*~*~*~