Squall arrives at his dorm and after punching in his key code he gets Irvine onto his bed. Irvine ends up on his back and Squall makes sure that he is comfortable by placing Irvine’s head on his pillows. He sits in the chair for his desk which he pulls next to the bed.

‘Irvine what’s wrong? Why won’t you wake up? Hmm … I wonder …’

~ Cura. ~

Irvine is bathed in a white light which lasts for a few seconds before it disappears and Squall finds himself on the floor.

‘Hn, not injured then. Well there is only one other magic I can try …’ he thinks as he picks himself up from the floor and sits on the chair again.

~ Esuna. ~

Irvine is again bathed in a bright light, this time pink in color, which again only lasts a matter of seconds before disappearing and Squall finds himself on the floor again.

‘No status effects either then. I hate it when spells are rejected. There is something within Irvine rejecting my spells. Some part of him is conscious enough to realise what is going on. And he obviously doesn’t want it.’

‘I could try using Scan, but I think that will either also be rejected, or it won’t show up what I want to know.’

‘I guess the only other thing I can really do is get Dr. Kadowaki. I know Irvine doesn’t like her but I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried magic, granted I’m not the strongest of magic users, but I’m better than I was, and if they are rejected there is no point in wasting more. The only problem is that I don’t really want to leave Irvine on his own; but not even I have a way of getting Dr. Kadowaki here without actually going to the Infirmary.’

Squall reluctantly gets up from the chair he had been sitting in and starts to head for the door that leads to the other part of his room. Just as he reaches the doorway he hears Irvine groan and looks over to see him moving restlessly as someone who is just waking up. Squall walks back to the bed and sits and waits for Irvine to regain complete consciousness before he starts talking to him.

*~*~*~*~

Irvine blinks. And then as he sits up turns so that his feet end up on the floor. Instead of sitting up straight though he ends up pitching forward into Squall’s arms. He raises one hand to his hair and pulls the band out. He then puts the hand on the side of his head and says,

“Ooo that doesn’t feel so good.”
“Careful, you’ve only just woken up, don’t push yourself. I’m not sure how long you’ve been unconscious for.”
“What happened?”
“I hoped you could tell me that.”
“What time is it?”
“It is about 2pm.”
“2 pm,” groans Irvine, “I reached the Save Point at 10.30 this morning. That means I’ve lost three and a half hours.”
“Irvine, you have to tell me what’s been happening. I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”
“Last I remember is killing Grats in the Training Centre. Where did you find me?”
“I found you by the Save Point in the Training Centre unconscious, with a huge Granaldo considering eating you.”
Irvine groans again, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause you any trouble …”

He gets up from the bed and starts to walk past Squall, who grabs hold of Irvine’s arm preventing him from leaving the room. Irvine looks down at Squall who is still sat in the chair looking straight ahead. Irvine’s confusion is clear.

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what is wrong. Why you’ve been crying, and why I found you unconscious near the Save Point in the Training Centre, Exeter a few feet away from you.”

Squall finally looks up at Irvine, sees the fear in his eyes, but refuses to let him leave before so questions are answered.

“I’m sorry Irvine, but I need some help in understanding your fear. You need to help me, to let me in so I can help you.”

Irvine continues standing for a few minutes, looking as if he is fighting an inner battle with himself. After a few minutes though he sits back on the bed. Unable to meet Squall’s eyes though he sits, elbows on his knees and his hands round his face so that his hair is held back out of his eyes.

‘I’m sorry I’m pushing you so hard Irvine, but I think you need to talk about this, to get some help and this is the only way I know how.’

Irvine starts talking in a low voice so that Squall has to lean forwards so that he can hear him clearly. “It started about six months ago. I found that I couldn’t remember what happened in a certain 10 or 20 minutes. They weren’t often these gaps; just I noticed one every few weeks. I put it down to GFs. Impossible I know, we haven’t used GFs since the Second Sorceress War, but I guess I didn’t want to face up to the fact that I had a problem. Have a problem. Well over the next four months I noticed more and more of these gaps, and that they were getting longer and longer. This started to worry and scare me, I mean large gaps in your memory of one to two hours, it is a scary prospect. Today’s one is the longest one so far. Normally they last between two and three hours at the moment. Luckily for me they had always happened when I was alone in my dorm, and not to often, two or three a week. This made me think that there was something about my dorm, but today in the Training Centre proved that wrong. I thought someone might have been releasing something into me dorm, but if the put it into the Training Centre why didn’t it affect you?”

“It is one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me. Normally every night I end up huddled up in my dorm, crying for fear of what is going on and when will it happen again.”

A single tear streaks down Irvine’s face, but Squall doesn’t notice it as Irvine is looking downwards. They sit in silence for a few minutes.

‘That doesn’t sound scary to me, but I guess hearing about it and actually experiencing it are two different things. I’m sorry Irvine, sorry I haven’t been here for you, but you haven’t exactly made it easy as you have hidden yourself away for the last six months …’

‘Hang on … six months … that would be about the time that I …’

“Irvine, you said it started six months ago, right?”
“Yeah … why?” Irvine says as he looks up at Squall.
“Before or after I … shot you?”
“… After.”
“Do you think it could be down to what I did?”
“I don’t’ know Squall … I guess it could be …”
“You’ve got to come and see Dr. Kadowaki with me. She’ll know what to do …”

Irvine shakes his head violently, “No. I won’t see her. She and what she represents scares me.”

Squall sighs, “Well at least go and see Selphie. She is worried about you. I better than anyone know how badly you were hit by the resurfacing memories after we used the GFs, but she knows that it hurt you. And she wants to help. She’s been checking on your dorm regularly and she came here last night, after you fell asleep. Her eyes looked kinda red rimmed. I sent her to Rinoa.”
“She came here?!? Oh Hyne, I have rather been avoiding her, in case, well, it happened in front of her. Plus I don’t know what to say to her. I guess I’ve just been feeling a little uncomfortable with the amount of my memories she’s seen resurface.”
“Go to her. I’m sure she’d appreciate it.”
“I guess,” says Irvine as he gets up. He ties his hair back again with the band he has been holding since he took it down. He ties it back in the familiar loose pony tail and places his hat on his head, and leaves Squall’s dorm on his search for Selphie.

‘I guess I should really follow my own advice. I haven’t been spending much time with Rinoa lately. But these reports really need doing. Oh Hyne, life is too short to be worrying about reports. They can wait; I want to spend time with Rinoa.’

He shuffles the reports to one side of his desk, then leaves his dorm, heading for Rinoa’s.

*~*~*~*~

Irvine is walking slowly towards the girls half of the SeeD dorms and Selphie’s dorm. His footsteps are echoing down the empty corridors.

‘I don’t know if I should tell Selphie or not. She is normally so happy all the time, and I don’t want to be the one to upset her. I want to share all the good stuff with her, make her happy, not the bad stuff. And if I am dying … I don’t want our time to be overshadowed by the knowledge I won’t have long left with her. I don’t want to upset her, to make her cry.’

He arrives at Selphie’s door, but is unsure of what to do. Whether to knock on her door and face her, or to try and leave and talk to her some other time.

‘I didn’t tell even Squall the whole truth. Yeah I’ve been blacking out, but the real reason I’ve been crying … I can’t reveal to yet, not to Squall, not to anyone. I don’t know if I can tell Selphie. I want to, but I don’t want to burden her further. She has already seen most of the memories resurfacing after we stopped using GFs as I was nearly always with her. And I know it hurt her to see me in so much pain, lost in my memories.’

‘If I do tell someone the real reason, I’ll have to go see Dr. Kadowaki. She is a nice person, but I hate doctors, ever since that memory resurfaced. I can’t stand being around Infirmaries, or doctors. I get scared that if I go into one I may never come back out, and that thought scares me more than anything else, the possibility that they could find something so wrong with me that I wouldn’t be allowed or able to leave …’

*Flashback*

Selphie and I were sat in her dorm, joking around, when something she said made one of my most painful memories resurface. I’m almost glad Siren took it from me; I just wish it hadn’t had to resurface.

It hit me hard, it hit me fast. One minute we were laughing and joking, next I remembered something from before the orphanage.

I had been in my house with my parents, I can’t picture them, and I was too young to pay much attention to that, about four. Well I was in the kitchen with my mother playing, well I was playing she was cooking, but I can remember her laughing. Next thing I know there is an almighty bang from the next room. My mother seemed to know exactly what it was, as she picked me up and hid me in a cupboard saying to me,

“Don’t come out sweetie; promise me you won’t come out.”

I just nodded dumbly at her, not having the faintest clue what was going on. She quickly shut to door to the cupboard and I heard very shortly afterwards muffles speaking, followed by a shriek from my mother and another loud bang. I wanted to open the door to the cupboard and look out, I so badly wanted to look out, but my mother had taught me from a young age if you promise to do something, no matter what don’t break it. So I sat in the cupboard, I sat and waited until I heard more noises from out side the cupboard and I could hear other cupboards near mine, and then suddenly the door was wrenched open and someone said,

“Oh Hyne, there is a child in here.”

I was blinking rapidly as I had been sat in the dark for several hours and the light was bright. I didn’t recognise the man, but I asked where my mother was, he didn’t say anything to me, only looked sadly at his companions, and said,

“Poor fellow, an orphan now, I guess the only thing to do is to send him to the orphanage.”

I didn’t know what one of those was or what an orphan was, but I was first taken to what I presume was a hospital which I saw my parents being wheeled into, only they never came out to get me. I was taken away, by matron, to the orphanage, and I realised I would never see my parents again. And I couldn’t remember what they looked like in the first place; I’d never paid enough attention. I was scared when I got to the orphanage, I didn’t know any of the other kids.

The sorceress killed my parents, killed them for no reason other than she was massacring the village. She made me an orphan just because she wanted to show her power. She killed other children’s parents too, she killed other children. I was the only survivor.

The image of my parents going into the hospital, never to return, haunts me now. I always wondered why I was scared of the Infirmary first at Galbadia Garden, and now here. I couldn’t understand it. Now I do, I guess even subconsciously it never left me.

I ‘woke’ from the memory to find Selphie holding me, I was shaking and crying. The memory was so dreadful it effected me as I was reliving it. And I scared Selphie. She was also crying, her tears were mingling with mine as they fell from her face to mine. I never want to do that again. She didn’t know what to do at the time, so she sat and held me. I wouldn’t stop crying, crying for my parents, crying for myself. We sat for hours; she rocked me and held me, whispering in my ear trying to calm me. I felt so vulnerable and she seemed so pained by it. I fell asleep in her arms that night …

*End Flashback*

‘It felt so right that night, I felt so loved. It made me feel warm inside. And in a strange way it made me feel happy, to know that she cares for me so much, I liked it. I loved being held by her, but I caused her too much pain by being like that. So I can’t do it again. I can’t let her be hurt by me again … she’s seen so many of my memories resurface, she worries about me, about how I cope with them, I know she does. But I can’t help but feel like a burden to her …’

“Ir … Irvine …?”

Irvine looks up to see Selphie, standing at the end of the corridor, staring at him, a look of disbelief on her face.

“Is it … really you Irvine …?”
“Yeah Selph, it’s me.”
“You came to see … me …?”
“Yeah, Selph, I did.”
“I haven’t seen you in so long …”
“I’m here now.”

Selphie doesn’t say anything more. Instead she starts walking towards Irvine, slowly at first, but soon ends up running towards Irvine, throwing herself into his arms. She buries her head against his shoulder, silent sobs wracking her body. She doesn’t see the look of intense pain cross his face, and doesn’t fell his legs start to buckle.

‘Need … to … sit down … right … now.’

“Selphie … can we … go … into … your … dorm … please … now?”

She looks up at him, with concern filled eyes, obviously about to ask what is wrong, but on seeing the look of intense pain in his eyes forgoes the question and runs to her door and taps in her key code. She looks round at Irvine.

‘So … much … pain. Need to … sit … but first … have to … walk. Unh … pain … burning …’

He takes a couple of faltering steps, reaching out in vain for the wall. Selphie quickly runs to his side and ducks under his outstretched right arm. Standing up fully, so that he is leaning on her, not fully, but quite a lot of his weight is on her. She wraps her left arm round his back and helps him into her room. He ends up putting most of his weight on her, as the pain in his back is so intense.

“Irvine, what’s wrong?”
“Need to … sit … lie down …” he says through gritted teeth.

She takes as much of his weight as she can, guiding him over to the sofa as it is nearer than the bed. She grabs a cushion and places it over the arm of the sofa before allowing Irvine to lie down. As he lies down his hat falls from his head, tumbling to the floor. He grits his teeth as his back comes into contact with the sofa, even though it isn’t hard.

“Irvine … what shall I do? Shall I get Dr. Kadowaki …?”
“No, don’t get her …”

‘I don’t want … her to … unh … leave me … but … help.’

“Selphie … get … Squall … please.”
“Squall? Why him?”
“Please … just get … him …”
“O … ok,” she says as she gets up to leave.

‘Please … hurry Selph …’

Irvine’s head lolls to one side as he slips into unconsciousness.

*~*~*~*~